How Many Peacebuilders Does it Take To... (Seeking jokes/humor on peacebuilders or peacebuilding)

Dear Colleagues

I am giving a short talk in the near future on peacebuilding and looking for humorous jokes about peacebuilding/conflict resolution and/or peacebuilders. I have done quite a bit of searching and haven't found much.

If anyone has a favorite joke about the field, I would welcome any suggestions and I think this would be of interest to many others on PCDN.

Please respond with the joke as well as the source (if you know where it comes from).

Jokes could be in any format and might include:

  • How many peacebuilders does it take to..... (fill it and put an answer)
  • Did you hear the one about (fill it in and put in answer)
  • A short story
  • Parable
  • Other creative formats.

Tags: Conflict Resolution, Humor, Jokes, Peacebuilding

Views: 3711

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This is more along the lines of cultural conflict anecdotes, which may not be what you are looking for: when two elephants fight, the grass suffers. 

Thanks. I do appreciate this one and would welcome additional suggestion as I think many of are searching for these types of examples. For my specific needs on this talk looking more for explicit humor.

... and when two elephants make love, the grass suffers even more.


lesson: keep elephants (superpowers) out.

Hi Craig,

Can this be black humor?  Also, can it be cynical?  We've got a fair amount of that here, but I'm not sure how far you're willing to go.  It would be good if you gave some guidelines.

Yours in Peace,

Charles David Tauber, M.D.

Coalition for Work with Psychotrauma and Peace,

Vukovar, Croatia

I am very open to black humor, but as long as it is not something that would specifically insulting to a particular identity group and something you would be willing to share publicly.

I should note that this is not associated in any way with the Foundation I work for, this is purely a comment from myself...

"Have you heard the one about the peacekeepers taking action?.....Neither have I"


"When I was traveling through (insert country) I got lost and stopped to ask a peacekeeper for directions.  He called New York for approval and I should be getting those directions any day now."


"How many peacekeepers does it take to change a lightbulb? I'll have to get back to you, I'm still waiting to find out how many it takes just to requisition the bulb in the first place."

Again, just to reiterate, this is my own sarcastic humor.  I am actually a huge fan of peacekeepers and they are probably serving the most noble cause most of us will ever hope to.



Thanks, wonderful examples and exactly what I am seeking and noted the disclaimer which I think is good to mention

This joke isn't so peaceful, I heard it in Colombia while working in the countryside...

A mestizo campesino is taking to Court because he killed a Spanish tourist while walking in the Colombia mountains.

The judge asks "why did you kill that tourist?"

The campesino responds "what do you mean by why? don't you know any history, don't you know that the Spanish came and kill millions of indigenous people, they rape the women, stole the gold and everything they could. I was taking revenge!

The judge: Yes, all that it's true, but it happen hundred of years ago. You can not go around killing people for stuff that happened centuries ago!

The campesino: Ah, but I just learned about that the day before in a human rights workshop...

En solidaridad, Julián

This is owesome.

  • How many peacebuilders does it take to plan for peace?  All the war Lords. ( They are the ones who plan for wars and they are  the ones invited into peace negotiaon for peacebuilding.)
  • Did you hear the one about Kony 2012?  We hear about Konys every day whenever there is a conflict or war.
  • Parable

"The sower went to plant. Some seeds fell  in the good soil and they gave good yields, others on the rock  and they dried up  and some on the thorns and they got chocked." The seed of peace we plant everday falls on different grounds.

What is the most  desired concept but rare commodity and  idealogy  in the world?  It is peace.

Not a source of direct jokes, but this website has quite a few ironic anecdotes:

Six or seven years ago someone asked me why there weren't any Mediator jokes so I came up with this one. Non-mediators don't usually appreciate it, yet mediators always ask if they can use it.

Q-How many mediators does it take to re-hang a picture on the wall
(gesture with two hands the rehanging action here)

A- None, mediators don't rehang them, we reframe them.


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